There is a reason why Thailand is called the Land of Smiles. It's because everyone smiles, except the King. And assholes. And since I know what the King looks like, that combined with the fact that he is so not an asshole and doesn't drive taxis, I have now decided I will not go with any taxi driver who doesn't smile. Because they're an asshole. Doesn't matter if they are a motorcycle taxi or a traditional taxi car, life is too short to go anywhere with assholes, much less pay them for the time you spend with them.
The other night, I took the kids on a long walk and as a treat, got them fruit smoothies. I had asked a guard to please radio the gang of motorcycle taxi drivers outside Farang Village so that we could have a ride back, both because the kids were whining and because there was an impending monsoon downpour. Two men showed up and had to wait perhaps 4 minutes for us to finish paying and make our way over to them. With Talia, that could take longer than just a few adult steps. I watched as one smiled at her, the other checked his watch and loudly complained when I confirmed that the price was 30 baht to get to our home. He said something about waiting forever for us. I asked him not to yell in front of my children, and that if he didn't want to take us, then he was free to ride on into the sunset. He didn't, so I let him take us home. Angry about his attitude, I paid him 30 baht and he took off, revving his engine. As for the other guy, who smiled still, I paid him 100, and thanked him profusely for being such a nice guy. He said, "no problem!" and went off, hopefully to tell his buddy that he got a 70 baht tip.
Unsatisfied with myself that I even allowed him to take us home, I swore that never again would I even do that.
I was tested just this morning. I had gone to the local hardware store to pick up some crap for the house (they were playing Christmas music...another blog for another day about the wildly inappropriate use of American music in Thailand). Laden with about 4 bags of miscellaneous but heavy things, I went to the taxi stand and took the next driver in line. Walking to his cab, I wanted to be sure he knew how to get back to Farang Village, because I sure didn't. I had heard that sometimes they'll take you down the road a bit and then ask, "so, how do we get there?" Or they drive around forever until you say, "shouldn't you take that road over there?" I thought at the time he hadn't heard me, so I repeated it twice until he turned around, frowning and snapped, "Why?"
WTF?
Because in my shock I didn't have an answer, so he repeated, "Why would you ask me that?"
Again, WTF? "Because some people don't know the way. Like me."
"Why do you think I wouldn't know the way?"
Stare down. Long five seconds. He doesn't return my smile.
"Ok. Never mind. I'm not going with you. You have a sucky attitude."
The motorcycle taxi driver about five feet away was more than happy to drive me home. I would have flipped the bird as we pulled away, but alas, my fingers were holding onto my bags and I just couldn't get it free in time.
Back in the US, when people don't smile back at you, it's not a big deal. In fact, I don't know that I approach many strangers with a smile myself. If it's business, it's business. But in Thailand, the business comes second. A smile is first. It's a way of showing that you're alright with the state of the world, that you're a nice person, or that simply and frankly, you're not an asshole. In Thailand, if you're an asshole, you're a scarey asshole. It's like everything else in Thailand that seems to be on steroids- if it's spicy, it'll hurt like hell and make your eyes pour water. If it's sweet, it is so over the top sweet that even my kids turn up their noses at whatever it is. If it's a celebration, a death, a show, a costume, a bouqet of flowers, or anything else, it's so over the top you wonder how in the world anyone has time or energy for such exaggeration. So why should assholes be any different? So when a Thai taxi driver is willing to put his or her energy into not smiling, just say, "Mai pen rai" (rough translation, fu-gedabowdit), because worse things are behind that sour face.
So, my new promise to myself- Life is just too short to go with assholes, ever.
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