For all it's faults, Facebook got one thing right, and that is to add the option of "It's Complicated" to our list of choices for being in, out, or somewhat around relationships. I just changed my status tonight, after almost a month of living alone with the kids. I think to some, it begged the obvious question a few months ago even when I started posting about the epic changes in my life and mentioned just the kids were coming with me. The reality is, Adam and I have separated. It's been in the works since January, official since March, and now a reality since August.
I know where we will be one day, which is divorced and living in separated residences, but I don't know how we will get there legally, or when. I just know that for now, I did the only thing I really needed to, and that was leave. More poetically, I set out to create an environment in which I could be a single mom without going completely underwater while trying to make ends meet, schedules coincide, and watch as the kids drifted away from Adam. It might seem counter intuitive that I took the kids to Thailand in my attempt to preserve their relationship with Adam, but that's because you've got to know Adam. By bringing them here, they are learning the language, the culture, and the names of all 1,000 people in their family here. They will some day be able to visit their dad here, when he retires out here in the next decade or so, and be completely at home in their second country.
More over, I've noticed that he spends more quality time talking to the kids a few nights a week on Skype than he did in months on end when we were all under the same roof.
I'm not going to go into the reasons why we're splitting, or try to convince anyone that it's the right thing to do. If you know, you know. If you don't, it doesn't matter. You know what these things entail, anyway. It's not like we go lightly into these things in whimsical ways. Or at least, I didn't.
I anticipate some complications, but so far, Adam has been completely amenable to our move here. He misses his children, but I think he appreciates his time to legitimately climb inside his head and be left alone. As for us, the kids have never had such a technicolor life than they are living here. We have the opportunity and finances to do things we've only talked about before, such as stay at a resort on an island or even, simply, go bowling. Our time together has gone from hectic, frantic and scattered to purposeful, meaningful, and peaceful (well, mostly, can't say we never lose our tempers....). I think I've gained 10 years back to my natural lifespan, and intend to make those 10 years count.
So, "it's complicated," really just means, "we're done, but not yet final." "It's complicated" also means, I'm coming to terms with it and am now ready to let everyone know that life doesn't offer a compass for complex navigation. Understanding and support are much appreciated.
